ahh.... so i was reading this really sad fanfic... actually not really sad but like... okei it was about minho/suzy. they're a couple, suzy dies and minho has to deal with the aftermath and he gets really depressed, and he has mirages of her and stuff.

in the end, minho finally learns to let go of her, and suzy does too (well, shes a mirage but... ITS AS IF THE MIRAGE HAS FEELINGS OF HER OWN OKEI) and, well... it was kinda bittersweet?

so then like, yeah, i really liked the fanfic and i did the usual, subscribe to it, then find more fanfics and stalk the author a bit more, and then i go on my profile and i see these statistic thingies:

Member Since: 9-17-2010
Last Login: 1-3-2012

and then i realise... how long i've been on aff for

i remember the very day i signed up on aff. i was really quite excited LMAO and i always checked back at my profile and it would always say this:


Member Since: 9-17-2010
Last Login: 9-17-2010

and then i thought, ahhh. 2010 september seems so far away now, but back then, it was the present.

and then i realise... when time has passed, how do i move on and let go of my own things? because i was a kid, we were always sheltered. people would always say on the internet that they would protect their kids from the bad things that the world brings, but i always thought that was useless because kids could read newspapers too and know what was happening around the world, so adults were being stupid

actually i'm kinda going off topic

but like, yeah... i started thinking about how as i grow older, i have to start fending for myself and dealing with my own things too. there's always going to be people, things, feelings that come and go
and then i think, am i going to be minho?? am i going to be majorly depressed? because, likee..... i have no self-control whatsoever. if i want to do something, i do it. if there's time to procrastinate, i let myself. if i should be sleeping instead of tumblring, i tumblr and let myself regret it the next day. if theres chocolate in front of me and i know i can't eat it or i'm going to get tooth decay... whatever i still eat it.
so... if any one day that i do feel like i'm in the dumps... i'm more likely to dig further into my hole

and then i think... isn't that kinda sad of me then? to not be able to deal with things that every other seven billion people in the world will be subjected to? now, even... i know i should be doing other things than typing thoughts down into a blog that nobody reads, but as i said... i have no control over myself. what is it called? strength? is it emotional strength?

i can't bear with the thought of things that are important to me to be let go. i can't imagining myself being like minho and getting over it... but i guess i will

and like yeah... just realised the actual meaning of 'when life gives you lemons, make lemonade'
OKEI YEA WATEVA I NOE IM STUPID AND SLOW AND DUMB DON'T JUDGE ME FOR ONLY JUST REALISING THE MEANING NOW SOBS
(always thought the meaning was literal... it always sounded like a dumb joke and i wondered why it was everywhere)

but yeah...after all this reflection i think i've concluded something and thought deeper about more things than my inital realisations of looking at my aff profile LMAO

so... i guess there's nothing else to do now but to increase my emotional strength? LMFAO OKEI I GOOGLED IT

okei wateva ill read them now

ON ANOTHER NOTE, THE NEW BLOGGER THING IS SO COOL! SO MUCH BETTER IMO LMFAO OMGGGGG someone clicked on my blog on http://google.co.kr/ while searching on images for "shinee taemin gay"

awks when i have never blogged anything about taemin being gay LMAO OH WAIT I HAVE PROBABLY MENTIONED THE WORD GAY IN MY PAST ENTRIES FOR DIFFERENT TOPICS

but anyways yeah BYE !!!
i cant believe i got

loverholic, robotronic